The Complete Guide to: Adult Autistic Meltdowns & Shutdown—Part 1
Lego toys in pieces on green background
Imagine this scenario: You are out grocery shopping, and trying to pick which cereal to buy. It seems like there are hundreds of options. Your palms are clammy and you begin to sweat. Next thing you know, you are having a full breakdown in the aisle. Crying, screaming, stomping your feet. This is embarrassing. You are a grown adult, but in this moment you feel like a toddler.
OR
Your friend has invited you to get drinks with her friends at cool dive bar. Everyone is having a good time. Chatting, laughing, but all you can think about is the noise and the fact you feel like a loser. Someone turns and asks you a questions, but you can't get the words out--you feel like you are shrinking into yourself.
There are many misconceptions about autistic meltdowns and shutdowns. Meltdowns are often misconstrued as tantrums and shutdowns as antisocial behaviors. Many people often misidentify meltdowns as panic attacks. Many people, whether providers or individuals, view autism as a childhood disorder. Autistic adults don’t exit, henceforth meltdowns and shutdowns are viewed as a childhood problem. However, many autistic adults experience these on a daily basis, and feel horrible or confused about their experiences.
This guide is an extensive manual on autistic meltdowns and shutdowns (based on my own experiences and research) for autistic adults, loved ones, and providers seeking to integrate neuro-affirming practices.
Autistic Meltdowns and Shutdowns
What is an Autistic Meltdown ?
An autistic meltdown is an intense emotional and behavioral response to overwhelming situations or stimuli (i.e., sensory overload). A meltdown is not a temper tantrum or an attempt to get attention. In fact, it’s the opposite—it’s the experience of being so overwhelmed you just want everything to stop. Stop being so loud and so overwhelming.
What does an autistic meltdown look like:
Yelling, crying, or screaming
Pacing, stomping, or intense movement
Self-soothing through stimming (i.e., foot tapping, flapping, rocking)
Difficulty thinking or speaking clearly
in extreme circumstances self-harm as a coping mechanism
What causes autistic meltdowns?
Sensory overload (bright lights, loud sounds, crowded spaces)
Emotional exhaustion from masking or social interactions
Sudden changes (i.e., change in plans), transitions, or failures/rejections
Stress
illness, changes in body (i.e. menstruation)
What is an Autistic Shutdown?
An autistic shutdown is an internal, often withdrawn reaction to overwhelming stress or sensory overload. Both autistic meltdowns and shutdowns are immense reactions to sensory overload, except a shutdown is a more internalized reaction. An autistic shutdown is not the silent treatment or controlled avoidance—it is the nervous system’s response to an overwhelming experience.
What does an autistic shutdown look like:
Going quiet or nonverbal
Avoiding eye contact or leaving the environment
Feeling paralyzed, disconnect, or frozen
Difficulty thinking clearly or understanding others
“Internally screaming”; yet appearing calm or distant on the outside
What causes autistic meltdowns?
Sensory overload (bright lights, loud sounds, crowded spaces)
Social misunderstandings
Interpersonal conflict or altercation (i.e., rejection, bullying, confrontation)
Stress
Intense traumatic experience (i.e., car accident, sudden death of a family member, sexual abuse)
An Anatomy of An Autistic Meltdown: That One Multiple Time(s) I Had a Meltdown in the Grocery Store
Bright fluorescent light next to an exit sign
I hate grocery shopping. Period. I hate all kinds of shopping. Yet, I love to eat I need to survive, so this is why I found myself at Trader Joe’s on a Friday evening. Now, I know grocery shopping on a Friday evening is like one of the circles of hell, but we will have some mercy on past Tanisha. As soon as the automatic doors parted, I knew I fucked up. Everyone and their mama and their grandmother was in that store. People pushing by in all directions. Some with carts and others with screaming toddlers. These zoomed by in an array of colors and textures then maybe forget the reason why I was in there in the first place. Ah, yes, those yummy frozen Trader Joe’s dinners! I'm dodging people like go kart keeping my head down trying not to make eye contact. The eye contact, the most physically disastrous experience ever! Then I get to the freezer aisle and the fluorescent lights are starting to give me a headache. I finished the rest of the grocery list and head to check out. Unfortunately, so check out, doesn't exist in Trader Joe's, so I'm trying to psych myself up. It's a delicate balance between finding the right words to say to the cashier, so I don't come off as an antisocial weirdo and getting my card out in the right time so I'm not holding up the line. It's a nightmare. I literally have dreams about this moment. Somehow, in my head, I didn't follow the script. Maybe my facial expression wasn't bright enough or I was fumbling and holding up the line, but the tears start falling. And before I can make it to the door, it's happening, the loud sobs, the stomping of the feet, and hitting myself. I look like an absolute toddler even the toddlers are looking at me in judgment. It's a temper tantrum? What the hell is wrong with me?
Warning Signs & Episode Experience
Here are some warning signs and/or triggers that I was about to experience a meltdown:
auditory overload(i.e., people, screaming toddlers)
light sensitivity
headache
increased self-consciousness/anxiety
Here are the symptoms I experienced during the meltdown:
emotional dysregulation
stomping feet, hitting self
guilt/shame
Anatomy of An Autistic Shutdown: Girls Night Out & Social Paralysis
Scene of a bar with relax sign displayed
I'm sitting in a booth, surrounded by stylish people. It’s another Friday evening and I find myself in a crowded bar. Pop music plays from the overhead speaker while the buzzing and vibration of drunken excitement surrounds me. There are six of us stuffed in a booth like stuffed appetizers. Everyone's face is animated. Some are laughing. Others are yapping. Everyone's having fun, except me—negative Nancy in the corner. I was invited to after hour drinks by a friend. As we already established, social interactions give me intense anxiety. It's the crowded environment, group conversations, and communication (which I suck at) that keeps me on edge. I try to stay in the corner, like a shrink violet, stirring my drink and hoping to be ignored. However, a young woman who I don't know, a friend of a friend, turns to me:
“What do you do?” She asks.
Great. The dreaded question. Now how do I respond. Do I start with my current job? Or do I give a full history of my work experience, like an impromptu job interview? I freeze. It's like everything around me starts to dim, until the whole room is completely gone, and I'm sitting in a dark, empty room alone. I stare at the glass in my hand, hoping to find words because my brain is malfunctioning. I don't know how much time has passed since she asked me the question, but I can't find any words.
Warning Signs & Episode Experience
Here are some warning signs and/or triggers that I was about to experience a shutdown:
sensory overload
crowds, group interactions
communicating with others/social anxiety
Here are the symptoms I experienced during the shutdown:
going non-verbal
freezing
difficulty finding words or thinking
Conclusion
In this article we defined autistic meltdowns and shutdowns. We discussed signs and symptoms. Including what meltdowns and shutdowns look like in the real world. In Part 2, we will go further into detail on how to manage meltdowns and shutdowns, including how to support autistic adults as a family, member friend, or mental health provider.
